The 1st Annual Profteezy Awards!!!
Just something I thought I'd share with ya'll in the "Underground". It's long
I swear, there has got to be a million friggin'
award shows nowadays.
The Grammys, Amercian Music, Billboard, MTV, NAACP,
even wack ass BET has
joined the fray of programming for recording artist
who need to pat each
other on the back....
My thing is, how come the shits ain't interesting no
more? Would'nt you like to see some real, real shit? Hahahaha......well, you
missed the taping of
MY award show (it was in my basement) .....
THE 1ST ANNUAL PROFTEEZY AWARDS!!!
Drum roll please...........and the winners
MOST HYPED UP ARTIST WHO'S OWN ALBUM CAME AND WENT
She's on the Moulan Rouge, the Ray J. song and
always on some show or got
her titties out in the press.........meanwhile, her
album fell off quicker
than the Miami Heat in the first round of the
Runner Up - DaBrat
MOST DEPRESSING SONG OF THE YEAR
"What Would You Do?" City High
Talk about a song that makes you wanna slit your
wrist......what would you do if yo son was at home, cryin' all alone cause
he's hongry, and the only way to feed him is, to sleep with a man for a
little bit of money and his daddy's gone, somewhere smokin' rock now in and
out of lock down?..........yea, just hang me from the nearest tree please!
Runner Up -
"You Know You Ghetto"
MOST UNREALISTIC VIDEO
"Take You Out" Luther Vandross
I don't know about you but I ain't buyin' it. What happened to the old Luther (yea, with the curl too like Cedric said)
that would never have a leading lady but just stood there and sung while
the young couples would fondle each other. He looks like he's just hangin'
out with his homegirl going shopping for curtains and gossiping. Trust me,
that nigga didn't TAKE HER OUT nowhere. They went stag.
Runner Up -
"Hit Em' UP"
MOST UNRECOGNIZABLE GROUP WITH A HIT RECORD
I'm sorry dog, but if any of these cats walked up to me and hit me in the mouth I would'nt know who the hell they was. Well,
maybe that skinny one with the high voice who does most of the lead
Runner up goes to
Jagged Egde........beside the twins who is dem other niggas?
BEST TIMING TO DEBUT AS AN ARTIST
Bottom line, if there was not a Lil Bow-Wow, Master P's son wouldn't have as much of a chance as an ice cube in hell.
That's the only reason his shit is workin'. And from what I hear the little
girls don't think he's all that cute either. I'll admit though, the song
is cute but Lil Bow-Wow is nigga!
ARTIST WERE STARTING TO GET A LITTLE SICK OF
it's a tie - Nelly & Jay-Z
I got mad respect for both these cats but
damn........radio, MTV & BET can make you hate some niggaz for real. Jay-Z should
really take a break for about two weeks..........that's all I ask.........I understand you can't be gone too long in this bizness but shit.....just
don't rap on nobody else's shit or somethin'.......
Honarable mentions -
Destiny's Child & Eminem
UGLY BUT THINK THEY CUTE AWARD
I'm honestly not trying to dog her but it's the kind of thing where in some pictures or in some shots of the videos she
looks like she could be real cute but then it goes left on mesomewhere. Maybe it's her choice of gear and them damn George Clinton braids. Hell if I know. Just don't act like you don't know what I'm talkin' bout either.)
Runner ups - India Irie (yea boo, you ARE NOT THE
AVERAGE GIRL IN A VIDEO.......NOT EVEN CLOSE) & Pink
TOO DAMN OLD TO BE TRYING TO RAP AWARD
If you lookin like you got kids graduating from High School you ain't got no damn biz-ness rapping. Yo Angie, lay off the burritos and taco bel grandes
Runner up - Wyclef
ARTIST WHO YOU JUST CAN'T GET WITH SINGING ABOUT SEX
Missy "misdemeanor" Elliot
I know big girls need love too but honestly fellas,
would you hit it?
Take the money and fame away from Deborah Cox, Tamia, or
even Sunshine Anderson and I can dig it but if Missy was broke and tryin'
to holla you'd fuckin' run and you know it. I think Monique' from the
Parkers is sexier with her big ass.
but who could've easily took it from Missy - Macy Gray (with her high Dennis Rodman lookin' ass)
GOT HARDCORE ALL OF A SUDDEN AWARD
Hey, ain't that Brandy's brother?.........yea, and who gives a fuck. He took a lesson from Hammer and got tough out of the clear blue sky to sell some records. I remember when ya ass was the little
cute kid on Sinbad's show back in the day, now you a ruff ryder. Gimme a fuckin' break. I ain't buyin' it tough guy.
SONG THEY PLAYING THE SHIT OUT OF RIGHT NOW
"Lady Marmalade" - Mya, Pink, Lil Kim & Christine
It's beginning to sound like somebody's fingernails going down a chalk board or some asshole squeaking styrofoam trying to be
funny. I bet Patti Labelle is talking shit too. It's okay but damn is it that
much of a hit? Had I done this a month ago it would've been "Survivor"
But you know radio, can't play but the same fuckin' 10 songs a day. .....)
Runner up - "Peaches & Cream" 112
THE PRINCE ARE YOU GAY OR STRAIGHT AWARD
I honestly think he's talented as hell but he does make you go hmmmmm.........are you.......uh.....You always singing about or to a woman but I just ain't totally convinced. I don't really care but just be who you is Sisqo!!! (say that with a lisp) Somebody (other than RuPaul) needs to just be out the closet gay and do a record. That
shit might work since nowadays it's in to be a homo.
Runners Up - Queen Latifah & Da Brat
AINT GOT NO BUSINESS BEING DIS GHETTO AWARD
Tsk, Tsk, Tsk.......what a fuckin' waste. She's a diva, definately talented, and clearly one of the best vocalist of
our time but why she gotta be so damn ghetto. Aretha is ghetto but at least
she managed to keep her mouth closed most of her career. Giving shout outs at awards shows, married to a crackhead and got (oh and how I hate to say this so I'll be as kind as possible) the most anti-cute child I've ever seen. NOBODY should sweat like she does. Even before the song is finished Whitney? C'mon boo, I hate to see her go out like this.
Runners up - Mary J.Blige
MOST HIT SONGS BY A CORPSE
Yea, you sistas just ease up........the truth is the
truth.......I know alot of ya'll still think he's alive but he's nothin' but dust in the wind. That's why he still selling millions of records cause ya'll can't let him go. That must've been one busy ass
nigga........startin' fights, doing movies, doggin' Dr. Dre, and recording 18,000
albums before he went out. If nothing else you lazy niggaz can learn from
that kind of work ethic. Thug life ain't no
Honorable Mention: Big Pun
THE PEACHES & HERB GHETTOFABULOUS COUPLE OF THE YEAR
Mac 10 & T-Boz
How the hell did they hook up? Talk about an unlikely looking couple. But hey, the look like they all in ghetto-ass love. Why didn't we get to see they're wedding in Ebony like Treach & Pepa's,
who are now divorced.....If J-Lo & Puffy could've hung on they
would've won by a landslide....just for the shooting up a club stunt
Honorable Mention to the all time ghettofab couple -
Bobby & Whitney.........and to the new-school ghettofab
twosome - Ginuwine & Sole'
MOST HATED ON
Beyonce' Knowles of Destiny's Child
Haters never prosper ya'll! Back da fuc up yo.
She's fine, young,talented as hell, and she's rich And so what they're just gearin' up for her solorecord, she's a star.......what is so wrong with
that? Boy, talk about build you up to tear ya down. Yo Beyonce, I'm a fan for life and
apparently 10 million other folks are as well.......do ya thang.
Runner up - Foxy Brown
JUST GETS BETTER WITH TIME AWARD
What the deal yo? Fellas, you would lick her stankin' ass after she just walked off the stage to her dressing room still
dripping with sweat from performing 2 hours straight. Hell,that could be
your job for the whole tour and you would'nt trip. She is just the dopest lookin' sista who still looks like the finest girl in high school.
Runner Up - Chante Moore
THE TERRY MCMILLAIN MALE BASHING SONG
Blu Cantrel - "Hit Em' Up"
This song is so foul. It's catchy and it can also
get alot of women beat down then given a one trip ticket to Judge Judy. Ladies, don't mess with a man's money or
his car I don't care what he did. You knew he wasn't shit in the first place so don't let Blu Cantrel get your grill done in. Don't she kinda look like a broke Faith Evans? Oh well, the songs' cute.
Runner up - "Heard It All Before" Sunshine Anderson
Here's a few we didn't have time to present during
LOOKING AS OLD AS THE FOUR TOPS GROUP
Boyz II Men
(Runner Up - Silk)
TRYING TOO HARD TO BE SEXY AWARD - Mariah Carey -
(Runner Up - Toni Braxton)
BEST PHYSIQUES - Janet Jackson & Tyrese - (Runners Up - Jennifer Lopez & D'Angelo)
THE TUPAC WANNABE AWARD - Lil Zhane - (Runners Up - JaRule & Eminem)
OLD AS MATHUSLA AND STILL GOT HIT RECORDS - Ron Isley (Runner Up - George Clinton)
MIGHT NEED A GOOD BATH AND SOME DEODORANT AWARD
Trick Daddy (Runner Up - DMX)
BEST INMATE - Shyne (Runners up - Keith Murray)
MISSING IN ACTION - O.D.B (Runner up-Maxwell)
Well, that's all ladies and gentlemen. Thank you
for coming out, God bless you and Goodnight! psst......send me some I missed for the next award show
That's the best post I ever seen posted up here
If that was so, we would have heard about it along time ago...it would have been like this on MTV.....
(Insert voice of Kurt Loder)
"New R&B sensation Brandy who's full name is Brandy Norway, is tearing up the charts with her new single "I wanna be down"..Brandy who is the cousin of gangsta rapper Snoop Doggy Dogg, is making her own mark on the music world......etc etc...."
what a homo this guy is....he's scared to answer the questions....personally i think he's suge knights bitch or something. but come to think of it..brandy looks like snopp a little.
i don't believe that one bit. Brandy is Snoops Cousin?? ha.
Nah, got it in an email. You really think I'd waste my time writing that????
this is pretty funny, I only hope you didn't spend half you day writing it